A Returning New Student
by Midnight And Stoned
Summary: Afraid of the commitment of being with a controlling Alex that has now graduated Lily decides to have secret life at Hogwarts.


Is this really meant to be? I just can't figure it out. I'm so young and still a little naïve, is he the one or am I only wanting something I've never really had. Am I reaching out to anyone will love me or were we made as one person in the beginning then split apart before we fell onto Earth? Is it too early to already have your life planned out?

I'm only seventeen but everything in the future has already been laid out in front of me. Marriage at eighteen, kids a few years after that, being so broke we could never afford the rent at the house our children deserve.. It's all too much to take in.

Before he came along I already had these great plans that I've been thinking over for years. I wanted to travel, to start over with a new life where no one knew me and I could the person I really want to be, I wanted to be able to try out all different jobs getting by on just a small amount of pay because I was only worrying about me. I want to get out and have fun while I still have the right to do so.

I've decided.. I know that I'm going to seem like a horrible person, but I need to know if this is right and I just don't think that Alex would still look at me the same way if he really knew what was going on. I don't want him to think that he's not good enough, because that's just not it. I need ot know if this was really meant to be.

So, my decision is, I will have a secret life for the next few months and be the person I've always longed to be, but I was held back from all the restrictions put on me from my previous decisions. It shouldn't be that hard, I think. I mean.. Alex is already out of school so I still have my last year. I just have to keep it a secret when he visits me every weekend.

Hm.. I think this is going to be my best year yet.

Well, that was my journal entry from yesterday, the day before I was to leave upon the Hogwarts Express. I've been planning it for almost two months though now, I just kept switching my mind throughout the process. I was smart enough to get a good paying job though to get some new clothes for my new identity.

I was no longer going to the Lily Evans everyone thought they knew so well. No more will I spend my whole days cooped up with Alex, goodbye to the nights I would cry myself to sleep thinking this was the rest of my life, that I never got the chance to actually have real teenage years everyone later on looked back on and wish that they could just go back.

After I packed up my school books and uniforms I happily took out all my new purchased items out with a mischievious and relief-filled smile. I always wanted to be able to wear whatever I want, but I was so worried that Alex would think I was a slut or weird that I held my creativity and uniqueness that I so loved about myself back.

Packing the last shoe into my trunk and placing a shrinking spell so it would be light enough to carry in my oversized bag I looked myeslf over one more time admiring my work. Instead of the conservative pants I wore last year there were now slim fitting black shorts with a large cuff at the bottom. In place of the loose blouses I hated to put on was now a tight teal shirt that had a white peace sign in the middle. Now, my once bare and plain pale arms were adorned with chunky handmade bracelets that complimented my tan skin that contrasted with my light freckles quite well. The ring that Alex gave me after the first week of being together was kept away in a compartment in my purse. Everything was in order.

Taking a deep breath she put on her large aviator sunglasses, slipped into her white thong sandals, and walked out of her room for the last time. She knew that she wouldn't be coming back for any of the holidays or after the school year was over. She would either be in her own place that varied from month to month or would be tyed down to Alex. Either way, she took her last overview of the room and smiled, glad to be finally rid of it. It held too many memories of the past life that she now hated.


End file.
